Surreal encounter with an Ironwoman

Plans were the last thing I thought of when I first hit the road running. All I did was respond to that consistent, persistent urge to run and run and run. I did not even think of joining a single race and had no idea about marathons. But things changed in time. Until now, I can’t point out the exact moment when I transitioned from being a leisure runner to a “more serious one” when I began to indulge in the science of running and plan. I don’t know when and why I started surfing the Runner’s World site to look for tips on better running form, exercise, diet, gears, etc. and included visiting The Bullrunner site in my daily routine.

While I was trying to work on my running, I encountered the word, TRIATHLON. Although that was not the first time I heard of it, it sounded more significantly at that time. I still brushed it aside and thought I wasn’t cut for it since I hate water sports and don’t know how to ride a bike. I decided I should concentrate on running first.

But maybe a runner will always be bugged by triathlon. I often encounter it on those sites that I visit, meet triathletes and wannabes in races until I was captured by it too.

It was one of my closest running buddies, Ms. Chu Solano, who’d always talk about triathlon. She wanted us to get into it together so she arranged swimming lessons for us and looked for bikes. Although I was hesitant in the beginning, I’ve to admit that she really reinforced that secret dream of mine. The dream became more alive but still wasn’t enough to move me to take it any further until I met Ms. Monica Torres this morning. She placed 4^th in the 2010 Ironman 70.3 Philippines’ Overall Women’s Division and 1^st among the Filipino women for two consecutive years. I saw her in UP Diliman while I was doing my long run. I was so hypnotized by her presence I stopped running and approached her.

Lactacyd Women Relay with my team mates and Monica (on my right)

I first met her in the Lactacyd Women Relay in June. I was also in awe then but it was different this morning. It felt like seeing her the first time. I had a list of questions in mind when I was walking towards her. I wanted to ask how she prepared for the 70.3, her diet, etc. but none of these came out of my mouth.

Our conversation:

Me: Excuse me. Hi Monica! (note that she was surrounded by almost ten people and they were talking when I approached her.)

Monica: Hi po.

Me: Uhm…

Monica: (staring at me, wondering what I was there for).

Me: Congratulations!

Monica: Thank you.

Me: Uhm.. Monica.. (5 second dead air), pwede magpa picture?

Monica: Opo. Sure po.

(Picture, picture)

With an Ironwoman, Monica

Me: Congratulations ulit. Salamat.

Monica: Salamat po.

Me: (One of the worst extros) Ok. Sige. Bye. (Whaaaat?!?)

Then I started running again. While running, I was smiling at how I behaved around her.

I couldn’t get over that brief encounter that until now I look at our photo once in a while. Everytime I see it, I tell myself that one day, I’ll be like her. Well, not exactly. To be a finisher would be great.

So today marks my iron will to reach that iron dream inspired by an iron girl.

Strike while the iron is hot! ;)

RUNNING CHANGED MY LIFE IN ONE YEAR

One year! I’ve been running for one year today. Wow!

My first encounter with running is still vivid. A friend of mine invited me to jog in Ateneo after office and I didn’t know that my 15-minute run would turn my world upside down. As I always say, it was really love at first run.

Unlike others, I did not have any strange or dramatic motivation for this passion. I did not have any reason at all when I got into it. I just jumped into that instant passion when I first hit the road. All I knew was I couldn’t contain the attraction I had to act on it. I had no idea about the benefits of running but what I have now are countless reasons why I continue to love it. These are surprises I stumbled on along the way.

Pre-run era

I was hypochondriac and was going through a very difficult time in my life before I discovered running. I succumbed into depression for a couple of months. The nightmare started when I was suspected of having thyroid cancer in 2008. The news sketched worries and fears. I drastically lost weight because of anxiety. The series of laboratory tests also took a toll on my body. And at that point when I needed that place of security and comfort in my life, it was gone. These realities smashed my faith into rabbles leaving me with nowhere to turn to for survival. I groped in the dark that both wanting to live and longing to die both made sense and were non-sense to me. But I woke up one day realizing there was really no other option but for me to face the challenges head on; to accept the possibility of cancer but remain hopeful and embrace the truth that something I tried so hard to keep has died. After a few months, cancer was ruled out. I also began to embrace the willingness to go through the process of healing and letting go.

I slowly got out of the misery and started to see the world with a fresh perspective. I had to unearth virtues and life lessons that were buried by so much pain. It was in this context that running came.

Running to running

Without even trying, running helped me pick up the pieces. It taught me to celebrate life and to thank the Lord for every ounce of strength I have and that life is a gift no matter how tough things could get. I learned that pain is inevitable and it is my call whether to allow it to knock me down or choose to let it bring out the best in me.

Running has also become my place of solitude when I’m overwhelmed with the bustles and hustles of life. I run to running when I need to reflect and heal. I lace up and run immediately after a stressful meeting, a heated debate or just when I need escape from frustrations and keep my sanity. It never fails to give me clarity.

Running did not only introduce me to these things but also to who I really am. I didn’t know what the trick was but I became more aware of myself since I started running especially when I trained for and ran marathons. I discovered my ability to endure pain for the sake of something that makes me really happy, that I could actually commit to something and enjoy the sacrifices it requires to reach a dream. I also learned more about my limits and to accept the fact that there are things beyond my control.

Discipline is another gift that running gave me. It taught me that if I have a dream, I have to want it so badly and work hard for it. There’s been no point in my life than now that I’ve become obsessed with managing my time and making sure that I spend each second wisely. I think it’s because I’ve become more aware of how quick a second passes and that my 5 minutes could go as far as 1 kilometer. Training for a marathon taught me the highest form of discipline. It emphasized the importance of self –control and commitment. It allowed me to enjoy waking up in the morning even if I wanted to remain in bed. It’s enough reason to turn my back from the enticing site and smell of sweets and junk food. One good indicator that I was really into running was when I learned to be satisfied with just one cup of coffee a day when I used to have 4-7 cups. The withdrawal was a lot easier.

Routinely exciting

It also changed my body clock. Since we’re output based in the office and we’re not really required to report at any specific time unless we have meetings or activities, I used to wake up around 7:30-8:00 am. And if I cave in oversleeping, sometimes I’d wake up past 9:00am and then rush to get to the office before lunchtime. Waking up late was usually because I used to work until 2:00-3:00 in the morning.

Now, no matter how late I sleep, I’m up by 5:00-6:00 am and earlier if there are races. I got used to this schedule since I try to have my weekday runs before the scorching heat of the sun. To do this, I also changed my sleeping habit.

I love this routine. I like starting the day early. It provides a different kind of energy that sustains me the entire day. It makes me excited to wake up each day because I’ve something to look forward to.

Looking good

They say that when you seriously engage in any sport, diet follows and I can attest to this. I used not to mind what and how much I eat, but since I considered running a religion, I began to pick food that would make my body stronger so I could run more efficiently.

It also changed the way I look. I noticed I developed muscles here and there, even in my face. When I looked at my pictures before and compared it with my recent photos, I could spot the difference and I liked it. ;)

A whole new world

More than anything, more than the mileage, running has blessed me with new friends and introduced me to more and interesting people. This reminded me that I am never alone and that the world is wider and more wonderful than I thought. Every runner that I encounter has a unique story that taught me lessons I would have not discovered had I chosen to remain in my secluded world.

I could go on listing down the treasures I gained from running.

The past twelve months of conquering different roads with many wonderful people has been one of the best years of my life. It changed my life in ways I never imagined it would.

I loved running then and I still love it no less.

SONA: A declining pace

When I got injured in the 2010 Milo Marathon, one of the things I asked myself was whether I ran too fast in the beginning of the race that I burned all my energy and had to drag myself to the finish line. It’s a common weakness among runners who get so excited at the sound of the gun start and would want to take advantage of the adrenalin rush. I have that tendency. And even if I’m already in the recovery stage, I could not help but recall that Milo moment while listening to the SONA. I think P.Noy did a good start by choosing to deliver his speech in Filipino and throwing shocking figures that have been kept in the dark. It was good that he finally opened up those books that have been sealed with greed for centuries. It was admirable how he effectively translated concepts of accountability into more tangible terms when he said that those money lost to corruption could have been used to build classrooms, roads, etc. That made me excited. I thought that if he improves or at least maintains that pace in a race, he’d probably have his PR (personal record) but he did not. He declined and he declined terribly.

I had a bad morning that day and the only thing that kept me going was the thought of the SONA. As an anti corruption advocate, I was looking forward to how he’d flesh out his rhetorics on fighting corruption and improving governance during the campaign. I had high expectations not only because he projected himself worthy of it but also because I believe that I deserve no less from any President especially from someone who campaigned on reform and change.

I waited for him to lay down practical ways, concrete steps, realistic mechanisms and sound policies to improve transparency and accountability but I heard very few of these from a President that bragged about his pledge to good governance.

I also hoped that he would reiterate his commitment to the passage of the Freedom of Information bill but silence was the only thing I heard.

Until now, I could not think of any innocent reason why he failed to mention it. In the aftermath of the June 4 tragedy when the 14^th Congress killed the FOI bill, he said in an interview that he’d prioritize its passage. So what happened?

My questions:

• If he was so committed to transparency and fighting corruption, then there should be no way he could overlook the passage of this bill as a necessary component of that.
• If he was able to mention other bills like the Witness Protection Program and the Whistleblower’s Act as important pieces of legislation in intensifying the fight against corruption, why not the FOI bill which by far has more direct impact on anti corruption?
• If he’s someone who keeps his word, as he projects himself to be, why did he not fulfill his commitment to the people in his June 4 or 5 interview?
• Did he completely disregard the appeal of more than 160 civil society organizations from the Right to Know. Right Now! network that sent him a letter, few days before the SONA, appealing for the inclusion of the passage of the bill in his priority agenda?
• What's the real deal, Sir?

There were other parts of the SONA that did not sit well with me like the proposed amendment of the Procurement Act and the public-private partnership as one of his major policies to raise funds. I was also hoping he’d say something about land reform, environment. But the biggest blow for me was the FOI bill. Not that this would totally block the bill but his mention would have put more weight on the necessity and urgency of passing it. That would have sent a clear and strong message to the legislature that it’s his priority and would have placed the bill first in the agenda of both houses.

When CSOs lost the battle in the 14^th Congress, everyone tried to comfort us by saying that the coming Congress will be a walk in the park considering the pronouncements of a President who has more integrity than the previous one but yesterday’s SONA painted a different picture. It led us to go back to the drawing board and prepare for an equally or even more challenging battle.

The first words that came out of my mouth after the last applause were, “why?! how?! and shoot!!!”

The SONA left me hanging, to say the least. I was beyond frustrated I did a 10K run after. But unlike the SONA, I increased pace slowly to avoid another injury.

Photo:http://wwnn.co.uk/pnoy-sona-2010-english-translation-of-pres-benigno-s-aquino-iiis-state-of-the-nation-address/2054/

The Flexitarian Runaholic's Pledge

Running is enough reason to wake me up very early in the morning, miss a good sleep, lace up and travel to as far as Bonifactio High Street from Quezon City to join races. But what motivates me more is the fact that by doing this, the thing that I truly enjoy, I also get the chance to extend help to the beneficiaries of these races. This is why I am so proud of my TBR Dream Marathon classmate and friend, Kassy (a.k.a.Flexitarian Runaholic) who thought of making her Standard Chartered Marathon- Singapore in December more significant by doing it for cause. It's admirable how she has taken the initiative to find a beneficiary and exert all efforts to make this happen. The least I can do is help her spread her call. Below is her invitation to all of us.

On 5 December 2010, I will be running a FULL MARATHON (42.2 km) in the Standard Chartered Marathon – Singapore in order to raise money for the Maple Tree Foundation. Although it will be a challenge for me to complete my first destination marathon race, I will be especially motivated by the excitement of knowing that it will benefit such a worthy cause.

I am asking friends and family to consider sponsoring me for this event. I have two ambitious goals – first to complete the marathon without sustaining any bodily harm and second to meet my personal goal of raising Php 10,000 – Php 100,000 for the Maple Tree Foundation (100%). I would greatly appreciate your kind consideration by making a donation towards this goal. All other form of donations (sponsorship) is, of course, well appreciated.

Being a runner, I wanted to take the opportunity to help my fellow citizen as this is one of my life goals- to help those who are in need. I believe in Maple Tree Foundation vision which is to help deprived and underserved mountain communities live healthy, productive, and peaceful lives with sustainable resource development programs that provide basic services, livelihood development, and education. For this, they need not to stay as less privilege citizen around Manila believing it will make their lives easier, well in fact, in their home town they can live comfortably and be educated.

You can make a difference . . . please join me in supporting a very important cause. Thank you for your support!

Sincerely,

Kassy

Note:

Please make all checks out to the Ma Katrina T Pajarillo and mail it to

Account# 3219 0081 89

Bank of the Philippines Island , Las Pinas branch

El Grande cor. Aguirre Ave., Ph. III BF Homes, Philippines, 1740

34th Milo National Marathon: Slow down, Reylynne

What went wrong? I kept asking myself this question for more than an hour when I was walking to the 34th National Milo Marathon finish line.

I heard a snap in my left hip between Km22 and 23 followed by an excruciating pain down to my left knee. In my previous posts I mentioned the same problem when I joined the Condura Marathon and the Nature Valley Run. I've made an illusion that it abandoned me already but it seems to enjoy being a consistent running buddy. I could hardly move my knee halfway to the finish but I still tried to run. I ignored it and kept running until it became unbearable at Km 32. I felt like it was breaking into pieces. An ambulance passed by and I thought of getting in it but my pride was saying I should finish no matter what and I did.

It was the first time that I cried because of throbbing pain in a race and I rarely cry because of physical pain. I have high tolerance for it so when I begin to cry that means it really is piercing. At that point, I needed nothing but a hug. I looked for anyone I know who was not running but did not find any so I just hugged myself J

I spent the entire walk trying to figure out what went wrong and reflecting on what happened.

1. Did I start out too fast?

No. Unlike in the TBR Dream Marathon, my start was easy. I stuck to my plan of maintaining a comfortable race pace. I promised myself I wouldn’t sprint and wouldn’t be intimidated by other runners going ahead of me. I ran with Kuya Lito Lopez, one of my TBR DM Kuyas from the start line until Km 15. It was an easy and comfortable run. When he decided to run faster to try to meet their qualifying time, I did not dare run his pace. It was all going well. When I reached Km22, it was 1:45. That was a PR for my 21K but I was still confident I wasn’t going off too fast because I did not feel any discomfort. I also did not do any extra push so I kept that pace until I heard that killer snap.

2. Did anything happen lately that worsened my scoliosis?

I could not think of any but maybe. I’ve been suffering from scoliosis since high school. My left leg is longer than the other so it takes the greater impact when I run. Being aware of this, I try as much as possible to be kinder to my left knee. I also tried to slow down on down hills to minimize the impact. I was so conscious about this while I was doing the race. So when we were going up and down on flyovers along Roxas Boulevard I’d slow down.

My week was stressful in terms of work and this was the only thing I could suspect to be causing the stress on my back but I had more stressful days before the TBR Dream Marathon and it did not weign on me at all. So this attribution might not be appropriate. I also continued swimming, which they say is good for scoliosis. But although nothing has worsened it, it also did not get any better.

3. Did I make any wrong step in the course?

Maybe. I think that at one point when I tried to avoid a motorcycle when we were about to enter Macapagal Bldv from Roxas Blvd, I made a slightly wrong step and felt something on my knees. But I really don’t think it was that bad and if it were the cause, I would have felt the effect immediately but I did not.

4. Did I not train enough?

I really don’t know but as far as the training program that Coach Jim gave us, I just trained well enough. I did my weekly runs and the required long runs at specific weeks before the race. I tried so hard to squeeze those in my schedule. I also maintained a healthy diet.

5. Did I overtrain?

I don’t think so. I behaved very well the past week that even if I wanted so much to run I did not. I had to tell myself it’s taper time and avoided places where I’d see runners so I wouldn’t be tempted to run. I also did not go beyond the required mileage, etc.

6. Was it because it was too close from my recent May marathon?

Maybe. Among all the reasons I could possibly consider, this I think makes the most sense. I overestimated myself. I thought that I could do a back–to-back marathon given my scoliosis. I thought that training well enough would do the trick but it obviously did not. Maybe for others this is not a big deal but for someone with special condition like me, this is not so.

Aside from analyzing the cause of the injury, I also spent time reflecting and praying. One word was recurring- humility.

They say that if you want to get to know yourself better, you should run a marathon. Yesterday’s race revealed a lot of things about who I am now. Sadly, they’re not delightful. I discovered that I am not only engrossed with running but in winning, worse, I’ve become more captivated by winning than running itself . While I believe that it’s good to be driven to win, I found out that I have crossed the border to insanity and arrogance. I wanted so much to reach my target and break my own record I did not leave any room for failure and possibilities beyond my control. It hurt me more than anything else. Arrogance consumed me and maybe the injury was God’s way of humbling me. It was his way of screaming to my ear to slow down and be kinder to my body.

To be honest, it was not just the pain on my knees that caused me suffering but my wounded ego. It was so hard for me to see myself walking towards the finish line. The thought of it was dreadful, being in it was for me humiliating. I was oozing with arrogance that even if my body was telling me to slow down, I still attempted to run. I refused to recognize the distinction between the pain that I could and should outrun and that one that I should entertain. I spent every ounce of will I had to ignore it but it was building up and persistent I couldn’t simply brush it aside.

I mentioned in my recent post that it’s a challenge for runners to be humble enough and accept that at some point we should stop to avoid a disaster. This was the challenge I came to face to face with yesterday. Walking is not a crime. Sometimes, it’s the wisest and noblest thing to do than to push it too hard.

I had to embrace the sad truth that I probably did all these too much, too soon; that I should have given more time for my next marathon after the TBR Dream Marathon. When I thought I was strong enough to run another full this soon with my scoliosis not getting any better, I was wrong. I should have listened to my body when it was telling me to reconsider Milo during my training.

There are things that mind cannot overcome and overrule. I should go back to the reason why I got into running and fell in love with it. It was how it contributed to my journey and struggle to becoming a better person each day. It’s so sad that I messed that up and became someone I hate now. I regret those times when I was so preoccupied with a PR I missed enjoying the run itself. I failed to see the fact that the glass is half full than empty; that I was able to cross the finish line yesterday before the cut off alive.

The worst thing was I almost did not notice my TBR classmates cheering me along the way and my whole family waiting at the finish line because I was so caught up with the sight of the finish banner. When they called and cheered me up, I gained an extra ordinary strength I tried to run strongly dedicated to them. They actually ran with me towards the finish and when we crossed it together, I felt so secured that even I failed and hated myself to the grave, I was assured of their love and support. I apologized for making them wait for so long since I told them I’d see them early. But they did not mind. My mom almost cried when she saw the pain on my face and could hardly walk. My daddy kept on asking if I really had to do it. My brother and his wife decided they will start running too. My nephew and niece, Vince and Shan embraced me and were giggling when they saw me. This to me was priceless. It was better than anything else in the world. It reminded me of what matters most in life, the things I truly value and who I really am.

Now I have set new targets – recover from injury, heal my soul and rediscover the reason for my passion for running and how it should affect who I am. There is ONLY one way to get there- SLOW DOWN.

EXCHANGING NOTES

I am no extra ordinary runner. I don’t think that my finish in the TBR Dream Marathon makes me any different or better than anyone. Not at all. I am just like other runners or marathoners who love running. I also don’t claim any expertise in training. I have no authority, not a bit to talk about, much more, give advise on how to train for a marathon. I am nothing of that sort. Not even close to that. This entry does not in anyway intend to give an advise. This is for a few friends who were asking about my training for the TBR Dream Marathon.

I am not saying that what I did was the best. Maybe some of the things I did was wrong. At the very least, I just hope to offer something to go on; a basis for further inquiry on whether this is how it should have been done or not and help. The only thing I’m sure was right was the training program given by Coach Jim Lafferty who’s had a vast experience in running marathons and training countless marathoners. I wasn't sure if the modifications I did to his program was right, I just took the risk. Maybe I had a better finish if I did not.

Again, this is just a statement of fact in response to questions from some friends. This is not an advise. If you discovered that some of the things I did were wrong, I’d appreciate a feedback. I'd also love to hear about your training.

When I joined the Condura Marathon, I did not follow any training program except maintaining my 3x a week run composed of speed work (faster than my race pace), race pace and long run. But as to how fast was fast or how many rounds I should do fartlek, I did not know. I also did not know how long should my long run be at what week, etc. I checked some websites and tried to follow some prescribed programs but they were many. So I just made sense out of a hodge podge of information from all over. That was it.

I asked other marathoners and each one gave me different programs. What I did was pick up the most common, like getting the average in statistics, which was the importance of long runs. It was still confusing. Some said I should do 32K two weeks before while others said I should taper that time. I just tried to analyze which one would work for me and because I was a first time marathoner, it was like a blind leading another.

Come marathon day, I finished. I was happy but I suffered from injuries. I dragged myself to the finish line and could hardly move after the race. So the TBR Dream Marathon was really a blessing. When I saw the kind of support being offered to the participants I even hesitated joining Condura so I could qualify as a first time marathoner when it was still exclusively for first timers. I was excited that there would be consistent and expert support, a detailed program and a series of discussions, things I was groping for when I planned to run my first marathon.

When TBR opened it for second timers, I rushed to register. I religiously followed the 16-week training program given by Coach Jim. I added 10-15 minutes to the prescribed weekly runs and 15-20 minutes to the long runs. I also inserted fartlek to one of the weekly runs. The reason for the modification was to push myself harder, nothing scientific, whatever. Maybe it was because of the desire to redeem myself from the not so good marathon experience.

Here was my typical training week like:

Monday: Rest day. In the morning, after light breakfast I do a routine at home: stretching, core strengthening exercises, planks, push ups, stretching, light weight.

Tuesday: Fartlek/ interval run. I go to a track and field oval and try to finish the 400m under 1 minute and then easy recovery run around the 400m oval under 3 minutes. I increased the number of rounds weeks closer to marathon day. From the minimum of five to maximum of twelve. There were days when I planned to do 7 or 8 but did less because of tiredness, etc. Some I did in the morning, others were in the evening after office.

Wednesday: Core strengthening routine. Swimming at least 45 minutes.

Thursday: Race pace. Morning/ evening. I run as fast and as comfortable as I could. It’s really my comfortable pace and then I push beyond my threshold every time until the faster pace becomes comfortable, and so on and so forth. When the program said I should run at least 45 minutes, I’d do an hour. It’s always plus 10-15 minutes. Six weeks before the marathon, I increased my minimum to 12K.

Friday: Core strengthening routine. Swimming at least 45 minutes.

Saturday: Short and easy run or swim. I don’t push myself too hard on Saturdays because that’s my only time to oversleep and recover from the week’s tasks .Also because it’s a day before the races and long runs.

Sunday: Long runs. As Coach Jim said, this is the lifeblood of running a marathon so I tried not to miss this one. I could miss one of my weekday runs but not my long run. Since it was summer and there were weekends when I was out of town and could not do a long run, I’d do short runs in the beach or where I was and then did my long runs the soonest I got back to Manila.

Running 21K in races also became my long runs. If there’s none, I’d still try to hit at least 21K with Runnex people in UP Diliman.

When the training program said I should do 28K, I pushed it to 34K. I did that a month before and did 32K three weeks before.

I did something crazy 2 weeks before the marathon when I should be tapering. I ran with a friend who was training for the Singapore Sundown Marathon at 11pm until 4am in the morning. We were alone inside the UP Campus. We both wanted to do a simulation of the marathons we were joining. Since the TBR Dream Marathon’s gunstart was 2am, I thought it was good to get a feel of how my body would perform without sleep around that time. We had a lot of walks especially me because I knew I should be in taper mode. We were able to complete 26K in UP. Since my friend was trying to complete 32K three weeks before the Sundown, she joined me in TBR last Bull Session in High Street at 5am. From UP, we quickly went home and changed, had breakfast on our way to The Fort and ran without sleep.

I knew it was a risk but I think it helped me during the race.

Given the demands of my work and my other responsibilities at home, it was hard to squeeze in training. It meant waking up really, really early so I could get to the office the earliest possible during weekdays and save up energy to be able to spend quality time with family and friends on weekends. It also meant giving up late night activities that I enjoy doing like reading and watching DVDs so I could get enough sleep.

What helped me was that strong determination to run the marathon strong and fast. I wanted it so badly that I enjoyed the necessary sacrifices.

The discipline required to run a marathon was tough and the only thing that sustained me was my passion and respect for running.

I hope this helps.

THE ADVOCATE IS RUNNING THROUGH PAIN

I prepared for The Bullrunner Dream Marathon for almost four months. It was four months of letting go of late night activities that I enjoy doing like watching DVDs or reading a good book so I could get enough sleep. I avoided sweets and junk food to remain healthy and strong. It was four months of embracing the highest form of discipline that even if there were times that I did not feel like running I forced myself so I could complete the required mileage. I also had to let go of oversleeping, lace up and run early so I could go to the office the earliest possible. And even if I did not like swimming a lot, I did it regularly for my cross training. Somehow, I can say that a big part of my world in those four months revolved around training for the marathon. My only prayer then was that nothing happens to my family and loved ones because I’d gladly miss the race if ever. Only that could stop me. Nothing else.

And what would I do if after that long training, someone stopped me at Km 41 when I already had a glance of the finish line telling me that I could no longer go on because the pair of socks I was wearing was uneven or my cap was not black?

I’d probably shout at the top of my lungs stunned of the absurdity and argue or cry like there’s no tomorrow because of being helpless.

Even if none of that happened during the marathon, I had the same sense of frustration when the Freedom of Information bill was not ratified by the House of Representatives last 4 June 2010 because of lack of quorum. Before going to Congress that day, I ran 10K in UP Diliman even if I was only planning to do a 7K in Amoranto track and field oval. I decided to go to UP because I needed more space to breathe and more distance to run my angsts off about the news I got the night before that the House leadership tried to stop Congressmen from attending the June 4 session so there’d be no quorum.

I was crying at many points in my run. I was wrestling against hopelessness and hanging on. I chose to surrender to God’s sovereignty. I believe He’s alive. The righteous God sees all these. I had to accept the fact, no matter how bitter, that there are things beyond our control and all I could do was give my best so that there would be no what ifs in the end.

I embraced the advocacy as my own and gave everything I could to help that’s why it meant a lot to me. It was more than just a job. It has become fundamental to who I am and something that I can do without.

The ratification of the House is one of the last steps in passing the Freedom of Info legislation that has been pushed by several groups, mine included, for the past 12 years. This is the closest that we got to having it passed. If Congress ratified the bill that they already approved in May 2008, it would have been submitted to the Office of the President for signing into law, the last step that would have put an end to the hideous struggle of the Filipinos against bureaucracy’s culture and practice of secrecy.

Although Art. III, Sec. 7 of the Philippine Constitution assures us of our right to information and documents on matters of public concern, the government still capitalized on their power and discretion to withhold most documents. The implication of this non- disclosure has resulted in major national controversies such as the ZTE-NBN deal, Fertilizer scam, among others. For others, it meant their and their family’s lives. Farmers, for instance, were kept in the dark about the status of cases involving the lands they till in relation to the Agrarian Reform program of the government. The importance of this bill cannot be underscored. It’s the best tool to promote transparency and the best weapon of the people for more appropriate participation.

But this power sharing through the enactment of the FOI bill is something that this government could not bear. They dread the day when their shenanigans will be revealed and suffer the consequences of all that they did in the dark. The conspiracy last June 4 appeared to be the culmination of their grand plan to block the passage of the FOI bill and the continuous curtailment of the people’s right to know.

June 4 was the make or break or day. I, together with my colleagues in the Right to Know. Right Now! campaign went to Batasan and sat at the gallery. I was tensed. I had the same exact feeling when I was about to do my first marathon. But I chose to hope. It had to be a deliberate effort to see beyond the circumstances that tell us there is none. We needed to convince ourselves that a miracle was possible; that Congress, no matter how low they got as we’ve seen it, could probably give in to the people’s clamor expressed through a series of mobilizations or could possibly have even a bit of conscience in their hearts or slightest sense of shame after being condemned by the media.

But we were wrong. They were in their usual wicked attitude. They staged a drama, a bad drama with the lousiest script ever written. Obviously, Congress through Cong. Romulado tried to make Nograles look innocent and supportive of the ratification after consistent public condemnation, media editorials from both local and abroad. Nograles, according to Romualdo begged him, on his knees to withdraw the opposition filed by Romualdo against the ratification. He was babbling with non-sense about the quorum when in fact they could ratify the bill even without the quorum as they did in the past. Worse, there should have been a quorum because some were present inside the plenary hall but were noted absent.

The 12 years of hard work, sleepless nights, restless days, sweat and tears, thoughts and reflections, dreams and aspirations were swept away by the simple banging of the gavel declaring a non- quorum in the house. That was it. Reality slapped me.

I went out of the session hall together with the other advocates, shocked and crying. I wailed like an infant because of so much pain.

Until now I’m at a loss for words to describe how devastating it was for me. I still groan. I’ve been in a state of depression for the past days. I tried to cope by running almost a half marathon last Sunday even if it was raining just to release my indignation, otherwise, it will consume me and lead me to either apathy or insanity.

The advocate is injured. It felt like the cramps at Km30 in the TBR Dream Marathon or my scolisis at Km 35 in the Condura Marathon or the acid reflux and knee injury during my recent Nature Valley run. But my record tells me I was able to finish those races despite the injuries. I should go on because running taught me that pain is part of the package, I just have to be wise and strong to overcome it because it’s not constant.

I’m running through pain now, trying to cope with grief over the kind of legislature and government that we have and with so much anger against those who continue to make a fool of the entire nation, greedy of power and money at the expense of other people’s lives and welfare. The fight continues. I will not dignify evil by any sense of hopelessness.

I just tell myself the course is longer than I thought and that sight of the finish line is just one of the major turns so I should not stop. Not now.

I realized I registered for an ultra marathon and not a just a 42K. I am so decided to finish it. There's no turning back. See you at the finish line!