Podium finish

The Fort Striders Run on 12 September 2010 will now find its place in the list of my memorable races since it’s the first time I experienced a podium finish. I placed 3^rd among the women in the 16K category with a 1:25 time.

But I wouldn’t have it without the generosity of my friends, Ate Dee and Ate Fides who invited and registered me to join the race. I had zero idea about it. I asked for information only the night before the race. That’s how unprepared I was.

That same night, an unexpected visitor came. It gladly brought along discomfort and abdominal pain that bugged me the entire race.

I honestly set a target for a PR but it has gone out the window when all these problems cropped up, not to mention that I was still feeling wasted from an official weeklong training workshop out of town.

Despite these, not joining did not cross my mind especially since I've always looked forward to long runs on a weekend. It was not the first time that I ran through pain so I thought I should just deal with it the way I dealt with the previous ones.

Pretending to be ok before the gun start

At the start line, there were reserved spaces for each pace. The ones who intended to run at four to five minute- pace were given the frontline. I stood between the five and six- min pace but was open to missing my target because of the pain.

When I heard the gun start, I ran. When I started running, all I was thinking was to push myself as fast as I could because I promised someone I’d give my best in that run. It may sound weird, but in most races, especially the long ones, I've tried to look for a motivation to keep me going. During the Globe Run for Home, for instance, what inspired me was the prayer for my mother who then was suspected of a serious disease. I dedicated that run for her. The Rescue Run of course was for the Ondoy victims, while the 2009 Adidas King of the Road was my run against corruption. They helped me psych myself to run faster. Yesterday, I imagined someone waiting for me at the finish line. That thought sustained me and eased the pain that tried so hard to stop me from finishing the entire distance.

While running, I would see people trying to tell me something. I couldn’t hear them since I had my ear phones. Later, I realized that they’re informing me that I was third among the female runners. But just like in the TBR Dream Marathon where I was being told along the way of my rank, I did not mind that so much. I appreciated the encouragement that people gave me but I’ve always promised myself not to make that my main motivation. It’s always been that, if I get it, well and good. If not, perfectly fine. The more important thing is giving my best to reach a goal. I also thought they’re mistaken and might have missed the other female runners ahead of me.

Ms. Michelle Estuar, top female finisher

I ran at my comfortable pace during the first five kilometers, pushed a little further in the next five and then slowed down because of abdominal pain at around Km12. When I thought of quitting, I just kept on thinking of that someone at the finish line and it did the trick.

What I did was took advantage of all the water stations to rest, walk for a few seconds and recharge. When I saw the 13K mark, I thought, I could push it a little more since I still had the energy (despite the pain) and wouldn’t have to run beyond the finish line anyway. But when I was approaching that open space where the sun seemed to have focused its rays on without the sight of any drinking station, I decided to slow down.

After that part and I got the chance to drink, I picked my pace and ran strong to the finish where the organizers told me that I was the third woman to finish. I still did not believe it until my name was called and was handed the trophy. Wohoo! ;)

First podium finish ;)

My favorite races so far (Part 1)

Top 6

Lactacyd Women Relay

June 2010, Bonifacio High Street

21K Relay. Team time: 1:49:42

My parts: 1^st leg (10K): 50:14; 4^th leg (3K): 12:16

With Team Runnex and Coach Rio before the race

The Lactacyd Women Run 2010 was my first relay. I ran with two friends, Dee Allas and Fides Reyes. We ranked 14th of 84 teams. Not bad! ;)

While all the other teams were composed of four runners, we were the only one of three, that’s why I had to run the first and last legs of the relay, 10K and 3k respectively.

It was a week before the 34^th Milo Marathon so I promised myself I would take it easy but the thought that there were people eagerly waiting for me at the finish line changed my plan. When I heard the gun start, I ran faster than my race pace. I noticed I was sprinting I had to remind myself of the upcoming marathon and slow down.

I enjoyed seeing runners in their amusing costumes. I loved it as well that the run was exclusively opened for women which gave me a sense of pride that women who are usually viewed to be the weaker gender could conquer a sport that needs power and strength. I liked the sight of women with so much determination in their eyes to finish fast and strong.

Since, there were only few runners around, I had the chance to savor the moment of running with the “demigods” in the running universe.

The atmosphere was light, fun and unique.

Top 5

Condura Marathon

7 February 2010, Skyway

42K; 5:36

The Condura Run 2010 was my first 42K that’s why it will always be one of my most memorable races. It was the first time I went through a rigid training that became the starting point of the many changes in my life. Condura was the talk of the town among runners months before the race.

Almost all runners in almost all running places were preparing for and looking forward to it.

The Condura Run is known for its unusual and challenging route that includes the Skyway. Passing the Skyway by foot doesn’t happen everyday and Condura was the only race that offered the privilege.

I wasn’t completely decided when I registered for Condura. I asked myself a million times if I was ready to run the full. I approached the registration booth, got the form, ticked the 42K box, paid and walked away. I thought I should do it that way so I’d be forced to train.

A week before, I almost backed out especially after hearing about The Bullrunner Dream Marathon program which was then exclusively offered to first time marathoners. Aside from that and lack of training, I thought I should postpone the 42K dream. I asked a few friends for advise and not one of them supported my apprehension.

A few days before, I lost my music player so I borrowed my friend’s i-pod which was huge and heavy. I took the risk of carrying it just to have a source of distraction from hearing me pant and amuse me in that more than 5-hr run. I had the heavy i-pod and enjoyed the music. It was worth it, I thought. But for some strange reasons, it went off at Km5. I tried to fix it but it just gave up on me so I had to carry it the whole time and as soon as I stepped on the finish line mat, it played again. Creepy!

The Skyway experience was ecstatic that until now everytime I see it, I’m brought to a sense of nostalgia.

The sight of runners from the Skyway was so motivating. I met a few runners along the way and had the chance of running with each of them for a few kilometers until either I ran faster or they left me behind. That time, I knew what 42K really meant and why many runners either dream of or dread the full marathon. The experience was incomparable and indescribable.

The last five kilometers was the longest five kilometers of my life. All discomfort and pain cropped up I started asking myself why I was doing it. No one asked me to do it and no law required a Filipino citizen to go through that. I couldn’t find any answer but just the fact that I wanted to do it. I loved the challenge and the fulfillment of finishing it.

When I crossed the finish line, I kind of lost my senses I did not notice my friends who cheered me. I was directed to get my medal and despite being aware that a medal would be given to finishers, I reacted so surprised about the news. I went to the booth where the medals were and while many were arguing why they couldn’t be given their medals because they’re stolen, I just left and went home.

I did not even check my finish time. I was in a state of shock until I got home. I called my housemate on my way home and asked her to meet me at our gate and prepare my slippers. When she picked up the phone, her first question was, “Ano?! Buhay ka pa?!”

To which I said, “I’m still alive. In fact, more alive than before.”

Top 4

The North Face Thrill of the Trail

14 February 2010, Nuvali, Laguna

22K; 2:45

TNF Thrill of the Trail promised a challenging, exciting, “life threatening” race and it certainly offered no less. I’ve always looked forward to trail runs. I even joined one of R.O.X.’s trail run clinics. So when I learned about TNF run, I immediately registered even if it was set a week after the Condura Run when I should be resting to recover.

Some were telling me to just do an 11K but I thought I should take advantage of the rare experience of running a trail. That’s aside from the fact that I had no one to run with in the 11K couple’s run. I registered for 22K and I was happy I did. Trails are a lot more challenging than road runs. The required running skill to avoid injury was different. I tried to enjoy the breath taking scenery while carefully watching each of my steps. I loved every part of the trail especially those two rivers that we crossed and the one where we had to hang in the rope to cross to the other side of the mountain that I had to let go of my beloved Gatorade. Sadly, my hip injury worsened after the run. Even then, I had no regrets I joined the race and still consider it one of my best runs.

Surreal encounter with an Ironwoman

Plans were the last thing I thought of when I first hit the road running. All I did was respond to that consistent, persistent urge to run and run and run. I did not even think of joining a single race and had no idea about marathons. But things changed in time. Until now, I can’t point out the exact moment when I transitioned from being a leisure runner to a “more serious one” when I began to indulge in the science of running and plan. I don’t know when and why I started surfing the Runner’s World site to look for tips on better running form, exercise, diet, gears, etc. and included visiting The Bullrunner site in my daily routine.

While I was trying to work on my running, I encountered the word, TRIATHLON. Although that was not the first time I heard of it, it sounded more significantly at that time. I still brushed it aside and thought I wasn’t cut for it since I hate water sports and don’t know how to ride a bike. I decided I should concentrate on running first.

But maybe a runner will always be bugged by triathlon. I often encounter it on those sites that I visit, meet triathletes and wannabes in races until I was captured by it too.

It was one of my closest running buddies, Ms. Chu Solano, who’d always talk about triathlon. She wanted us to get into it together so she arranged swimming lessons for us and looked for bikes. Although I was hesitant in the beginning, I’ve to admit that she really reinforced that secret dream of mine. The dream became more alive but still wasn’t enough to move me to take it any further until I met Ms. Monica Torres this morning. She placed 4^th in the 2010 Ironman 70.3 Philippines’ Overall Women’s Division and 1^st among the Filipino women for two consecutive years. I saw her in UP Diliman while I was doing my long run. I was so hypnotized by her presence I stopped running and approached her.

Lactacyd Women Relay with my team mates and Monica (on my right)

I first met her in the Lactacyd Women Relay in June. I was also in awe then but it was different this morning. It felt like seeing her the first time. I had a list of questions in mind when I was walking towards her. I wanted to ask how she prepared for the 70.3, her diet, etc. but none of these came out of my mouth.

Our conversation:

Me: Excuse me. Hi Monica! (note that she was surrounded by almost ten people and they were talking when I approached her.)

Monica: Hi po.

Me: Uhm…

Monica: (staring at me, wondering what I was there for).

Me: Congratulations!

Monica: Thank you.

Me: Uhm.. Monica.. (5 second dead air), pwede magpa picture?

Monica: Opo. Sure po.

(Picture, picture)

With an Ironwoman, Monica

Me: Congratulations ulit. Salamat.

Monica: Salamat po.

Me: (One of the worst extros) Ok. Sige. Bye. (Whaaaat?!?)

Then I started running again. While running, I was smiling at how I behaved around her.

I couldn’t get over that brief encounter that until now I look at our photo once in a while. Everytime I see it, I tell myself that one day, I’ll be like her. Well, not exactly. To be a finisher would be great.

So today marks my iron will to reach that iron dream inspired by an iron girl.

Strike while the iron is hot! ;)

RUNNING CHANGED MY LIFE IN ONE YEAR

One year! I’ve been running for one year today. Wow!

My first encounter with running is still vivid. A friend of mine invited me to jog in Ateneo after office and I didn’t know that my 15-minute run would turn my world upside down. As I always say, it was really love at first run.

Unlike others, I did not have any strange or dramatic motivation for this passion. I did not have any reason at all when I got into it. I just jumped into that instant passion when I first hit the road. All I knew was I couldn’t contain the attraction I had to act on it. I had no idea about the benefits of running but what I have now are countless reasons why I continue to love it. These are surprises I stumbled on along the way.

Pre-run era

I was hypochondriac and was going through a very difficult time in my life before I discovered running. I succumbed into depression for a couple of months. The nightmare started when I was suspected of having thyroid cancer in 2008. The news sketched worries and fears. I drastically lost weight because of anxiety. The series of laboratory tests also took a toll on my body. And at that point when I needed that place of security and comfort in my life, it was gone. These realities smashed my faith into rabbles leaving me with nowhere to turn to for survival. I groped in the dark that both wanting to live and longing to die both made sense and were non-sense to me. But I woke up one day realizing there was really no other option but for me to face the challenges head on; to accept the possibility of cancer but remain hopeful and embrace the truth that something I tried so hard to keep has died. After a few months, cancer was ruled out. I also began to embrace the willingness to go through the process of healing and letting go.

I slowly got out of the misery and started to see the world with a fresh perspective. I had to unearth virtues and life lessons that were buried by so much pain. It was in this context that running came.

Running to running

Without even trying, running helped me pick up the pieces. It taught me to celebrate life and to thank the Lord for every ounce of strength I have and that life is a gift no matter how tough things could get. I learned that pain is inevitable and it is my call whether to allow it to knock me down or choose to let it bring out the best in me.

Running has also become my place of solitude when I’m overwhelmed with the bustles and hustles of life. I run to running when I need to reflect and heal. I lace up and run immediately after a stressful meeting, a heated debate or just when I need escape from frustrations and keep my sanity. It never fails to give me clarity.

Running did not only introduce me to these things but also to who I really am. I didn’t know what the trick was but I became more aware of myself since I started running especially when I trained for and ran marathons. I discovered my ability to endure pain for the sake of something that makes me really happy, that I could actually commit to something and enjoy the sacrifices it requires to reach a dream. I also learned more about my limits and to accept the fact that there are things beyond my control.

Discipline is another gift that running gave me. It taught me that if I have a dream, I have to want it so badly and work hard for it. There’s been no point in my life than now that I’ve become obsessed with managing my time and making sure that I spend each second wisely. I think it’s because I’ve become more aware of how quick a second passes and that my 5 minutes could go as far as 1 kilometer. Training for a marathon taught me the highest form of discipline. It emphasized the importance of self –control and commitment. It allowed me to enjoy waking up in the morning even if I wanted to remain in bed. It’s enough reason to turn my back from the enticing site and smell of sweets and junk food. One good indicator that I was really into running was when I learned to be satisfied with just one cup of coffee a day when I used to have 4-7 cups. The withdrawal was a lot easier.

Routinely exciting

It also changed my body clock. Since we’re output based in the office and we’re not really required to report at any specific time unless we have meetings or activities, I used to wake up around 7:30-8:00 am. And if I cave in oversleeping, sometimes I’d wake up past 9:00am and then rush to get to the office before lunchtime. Waking up late was usually because I used to work until 2:00-3:00 in the morning.

Now, no matter how late I sleep, I’m up by 5:00-6:00 am and earlier if there are races. I got used to this schedule since I try to have my weekday runs before the scorching heat of the sun. To do this, I also changed my sleeping habit.

I love this routine. I like starting the day early. It provides a different kind of energy that sustains me the entire day. It makes me excited to wake up each day because I’ve something to look forward to.

Looking good

They say that when you seriously engage in any sport, diet follows and I can attest to this. I used not to mind what and how much I eat, but since I considered running a religion, I began to pick food that would make my body stronger so I could run more efficiently.

It also changed the way I look. I noticed I developed muscles here and there, even in my face. When I looked at my pictures before and compared it with my recent photos, I could spot the difference and I liked it. ;)

A whole new world

More than anything, more than the mileage, running has blessed me with new friends and introduced me to more and interesting people. This reminded me that I am never alone and that the world is wider and more wonderful than I thought. Every runner that I encounter has a unique story that taught me lessons I would have not discovered had I chosen to remain in my secluded world.

I could go on listing down the treasures I gained from running.

The past twelve months of conquering different roads with many wonderful people has been one of the best years of my life. It changed my life in ways I never imagined it would.

I loved running then and I still love it no less.

SONA: A declining pace

When I got injured in the 2010 Milo Marathon, one of the things I asked myself was whether I ran too fast in the beginning of the race that I burned all my energy and had to drag myself to the finish line. It’s a common weakness among runners who get so excited at the sound of the gun start and would want to take advantage of the adrenalin rush. I have that tendency. And even if I’m already in the recovery stage, I could not help but recall that Milo moment while listening to the SONA. I think P.Noy did a good start by choosing to deliver his speech in Filipino and throwing shocking figures that have been kept in the dark. It was good that he finally opened up those books that have been sealed with greed for centuries. It was admirable how he effectively translated concepts of accountability into more tangible terms when he said that those money lost to corruption could have been used to build classrooms, roads, etc. That made me excited. I thought that if he improves or at least maintains that pace in a race, he’d probably have his PR (personal record) but he did not. He declined and he declined terribly.

I had a bad morning that day and the only thing that kept me going was the thought of the SONA. As an anti corruption advocate, I was looking forward to how he’d flesh out his rhetorics on fighting corruption and improving governance during the campaign. I had high expectations not only because he projected himself worthy of it but also because I believe that I deserve no less from any President especially from someone who campaigned on reform and change.

I waited for him to lay down practical ways, concrete steps, realistic mechanisms and sound policies to improve transparency and accountability but I heard very few of these from a President that bragged about his pledge to good governance.

I also hoped that he would reiterate his commitment to the passage of the Freedom of Information bill but silence was the only thing I heard.

Until now, I could not think of any innocent reason why he failed to mention it. In the aftermath of the June 4 tragedy when the 14^th Congress killed the FOI bill, he said in an interview that he’d prioritize its passage. So what happened?

My questions:

• If he was so committed to transparency and fighting corruption, then there should be no way he could overlook the passage of this bill as a necessary component of that.
• If he was able to mention other bills like the Witness Protection Program and the Whistleblower’s Act as important pieces of legislation in intensifying the fight against corruption, why not the FOI bill which by far has more direct impact on anti corruption?
• If he’s someone who keeps his word, as he projects himself to be, why did he not fulfill his commitment to the people in his June 4 or 5 interview?
• Did he completely disregard the appeal of more than 160 civil society organizations from the Right to Know. Right Now! network that sent him a letter, few days before the SONA, appealing for the inclusion of the passage of the bill in his priority agenda?
• What's the real deal, Sir?

There were other parts of the SONA that did not sit well with me like the proposed amendment of the Procurement Act and the public-private partnership as one of his major policies to raise funds. I was also hoping he’d say something about land reform, environment. But the biggest blow for me was the FOI bill. Not that this would totally block the bill but his mention would have put more weight on the necessity and urgency of passing it. That would have sent a clear and strong message to the legislature that it’s his priority and would have placed the bill first in the agenda of both houses.

When CSOs lost the battle in the 14^th Congress, everyone tried to comfort us by saying that the coming Congress will be a walk in the park considering the pronouncements of a President who has more integrity than the previous one but yesterday’s SONA painted a different picture. It led us to go back to the drawing board and prepare for an equally or even more challenging battle.

The first words that came out of my mouth after the last applause were, “why?! how?! and shoot!!!”

The SONA left me hanging, to say the least. I was beyond frustrated I did a 10K run after. But unlike the SONA, I increased pace slowly to avoid another injury.

Photo:http://wwnn.co.uk/pnoy-sona-2010-english-translation-of-pres-benigno-s-aquino-iiis-state-of-the-nation-address/2054/

The Flexitarian Runaholic's Pledge

Running is enough reason to wake me up very early in the morning, miss a good sleep, lace up and travel to as far as Bonifactio High Street from Quezon City to join races. But what motivates me more is the fact that by doing this, the thing that I truly enjoy, I also get the chance to extend help to the beneficiaries of these races. This is why I am so proud of my TBR Dream Marathon classmate and friend, Kassy (a.k.a.Flexitarian Runaholic) who thought of making her Standard Chartered Marathon- Singapore in December more significant by doing it for cause. It's admirable how she has taken the initiative to find a beneficiary and exert all efforts to make this happen. The least I can do is help her spread her call. Below is her invitation to all of us.

On 5 December 2010, I will be running a FULL MARATHON (42.2 km) in the Standard Chartered Marathon – Singapore in order to raise money for the Maple Tree Foundation. Although it will be a challenge for me to complete my first destination marathon race, I will be especially motivated by the excitement of knowing that it will benefit such a worthy cause.

I am asking friends and family to consider sponsoring me for this event. I have two ambitious goals – first to complete the marathon without sustaining any bodily harm and second to meet my personal goal of raising Php 10,000 – Php 100,000 for the Maple Tree Foundation (100%). I would greatly appreciate your kind consideration by making a donation towards this goal. All other form of donations (sponsorship) is, of course, well appreciated.

Being a runner, I wanted to take the opportunity to help my fellow citizen as this is one of my life goals- to help those who are in need. I believe in Maple Tree Foundation vision which is to help deprived and underserved mountain communities live healthy, productive, and peaceful lives with sustainable resource development programs that provide basic services, livelihood development, and education. For this, they need not to stay as less privilege citizen around Manila believing it will make their lives easier, well in fact, in their home town they can live comfortably and be educated.

You can make a difference . . . please join me in supporting a very important cause. Thank you for your support!

Sincerely,

Kassy

Note:

Please make all checks out to the Ma Katrina T Pajarillo and mail it to

Account# 3219 0081 89

Bank of the Philippines Island , Las Pinas branch

El Grande cor. Aguirre Ave., Ph. III BF Homes, Philippines, 1740

34th Milo National Marathon: Slow down, Reylynne

What went wrong? I kept asking myself this question for more than an hour when I was walking to the 34th National Milo Marathon finish line.

I heard a snap in my left hip between Km22 and 23 followed by an excruciating pain down to my left knee. In my previous posts I mentioned the same problem when I joined the Condura Marathon and the Nature Valley Run. I've made an illusion that it abandoned me already but it seems to enjoy being a consistent running buddy. I could hardly move my knee halfway to the finish but I still tried to run. I ignored it and kept running until it became unbearable at Km 32. I felt like it was breaking into pieces. An ambulance passed by and I thought of getting in it but my pride was saying I should finish no matter what and I did.

It was the first time that I cried because of throbbing pain in a race and I rarely cry because of physical pain. I have high tolerance for it so when I begin to cry that means it really is piercing. At that point, I needed nothing but a hug. I looked for anyone I know who was not running but did not find any so I just hugged myself J

I spent the entire walk trying to figure out what went wrong and reflecting on what happened.

1. Did I start out too fast?

No. Unlike in the TBR Dream Marathon, my start was easy. I stuck to my plan of maintaining a comfortable race pace. I promised myself I wouldn’t sprint and wouldn’t be intimidated by other runners going ahead of me. I ran with Kuya Lito Lopez, one of my TBR DM Kuyas from the start line until Km 15. It was an easy and comfortable run. When he decided to run faster to try to meet their qualifying time, I did not dare run his pace. It was all going well. When I reached Km22, it was 1:45. That was a PR for my 21K but I was still confident I wasn’t going off too fast because I did not feel any discomfort. I also did not do any extra push so I kept that pace until I heard that killer snap.

2. Did anything happen lately that worsened my scoliosis?

I could not think of any but maybe. I’ve been suffering from scoliosis since high school. My left leg is longer than the other so it takes the greater impact when I run. Being aware of this, I try as much as possible to be kinder to my left knee. I also tried to slow down on down hills to minimize the impact. I was so conscious about this while I was doing the race. So when we were going up and down on flyovers along Roxas Boulevard I’d slow down.

My week was stressful in terms of work and this was the only thing I could suspect to be causing the stress on my back but I had more stressful days before the TBR Dream Marathon and it did not weign on me at all. So this attribution might not be appropriate. I also continued swimming, which they say is good for scoliosis. But although nothing has worsened it, it also did not get any better.

3. Did I make any wrong step in the course?

Maybe. I think that at one point when I tried to avoid a motorcycle when we were about to enter Macapagal Bldv from Roxas Blvd, I made a slightly wrong step and felt something on my knees. But I really don’t think it was that bad and if it were the cause, I would have felt the effect immediately but I did not.

4. Did I not train enough?

I really don’t know but as far as the training program that Coach Jim gave us, I just trained well enough. I did my weekly runs and the required long runs at specific weeks before the race. I tried so hard to squeeze those in my schedule. I also maintained a healthy diet.

5. Did I overtrain?

I don’t think so. I behaved very well the past week that even if I wanted so much to run I did not. I had to tell myself it’s taper time and avoided places where I’d see runners so I wouldn’t be tempted to run. I also did not go beyond the required mileage, etc.

6. Was it because it was too close from my recent May marathon?

Maybe. Among all the reasons I could possibly consider, this I think makes the most sense. I overestimated myself. I thought that I could do a back–to-back marathon given my scoliosis. I thought that training well enough would do the trick but it obviously did not. Maybe for others this is not a big deal but for someone with special condition like me, this is not so.

Aside from analyzing the cause of the injury, I also spent time reflecting and praying. One word was recurring- humility.

They say that if you want to get to know yourself better, you should run a marathon. Yesterday’s race revealed a lot of things about who I am now. Sadly, they’re not delightful. I discovered that I am not only engrossed with running but in winning, worse, I’ve become more captivated by winning than running itself . While I believe that it’s good to be driven to win, I found out that I have crossed the border to insanity and arrogance. I wanted so much to reach my target and break my own record I did not leave any room for failure and possibilities beyond my control. It hurt me more than anything else. Arrogance consumed me and maybe the injury was God’s way of humbling me. It was his way of screaming to my ear to slow down and be kinder to my body.

To be honest, it was not just the pain on my knees that caused me suffering but my wounded ego. It was so hard for me to see myself walking towards the finish line. The thought of it was dreadful, being in it was for me humiliating. I was oozing with arrogance that even if my body was telling me to slow down, I still attempted to run. I refused to recognize the distinction between the pain that I could and should outrun and that one that I should entertain. I spent every ounce of will I had to ignore it but it was building up and persistent I couldn’t simply brush it aside.

I mentioned in my recent post that it’s a challenge for runners to be humble enough and accept that at some point we should stop to avoid a disaster. This was the challenge I came to face to face with yesterday. Walking is not a crime. Sometimes, it’s the wisest and noblest thing to do than to push it too hard.

I had to embrace the sad truth that I probably did all these too much, too soon; that I should have given more time for my next marathon after the TBR Dream Marathon. When I thought I was strong enough to run another full this soon with my scoliosis not getting any better, I was wrong. I should have listened to my body when it was telling me to reconsider Milo during my training.

There are things that mind cannot overcome and overrule. I should go back to the reason why I got into running and fell in love with it. It was how it contributed to my journey and struggle to becoming a better person each day. It’s so sad that I messed that up and became someone I hate now. I regret those times when I was so preoccupied with a PR I missed enjoying the run itself. I failed to see the fact that the glass is half full than empty; that I was able to cross the finish line yesterday before the cut off alive.

The worst thing was I almost did not notice my TBR classmates cheering me along the way and my whole family waiting at the finish line because I was so caught up with the sight of the finish banner. When they called and cheered me up, I gained an extra ordinary strength I tried to run strongly dedicated to them. They actually ran with me towards the finish and when we crossed it together, I felt so secured that even I failed and hated myself to the grave, I was assured of their love and support. I apologized for making them wait for so long since I told them I’d see them early. But they did not mind. My mom almost cried when she saw the pain on my face and could hardly walk. My daddy kept on asking if I really had to do it. My brother and his wife decided they will start running too. My nephew and niece, Vince and Shan embraced me and were giggling when they saw me. This to me was priceless. It was better than anything else in the world. It reminded me of what matters most in life, the things I truly value and who I really am.

Now I have set new targets – recover from injury, heal my soul and rediscover the reason for my passion for running and how it should affect who I am. There is ONLY one way to get there- SLOW DOWN.