So I’m back to blogging. I’ve been busy writing but poems this time. The expression is different and the interaction is more with the soul and the universe rather than the present and the tangible. I enjoy transcending to a world only imagination can reach and wild one can possibly grasp. It’s overwhelming thus the break from a narrative that’s more spontaneous which is no less exciting and satisfying. The busy schedule got in the way too.
But whether I change the ink of my pen, I have the same
story. I’ve got Hashimoto’s syndrome, an auto immune disease that causes my hypothyroidism
that causes my metabolism to slow down up to nothing that causes weight gain
among other symptoms of this random joke of destiny.
It’s beyond my control. The best that I can do to at least
delay or minimize its impact is to regularly take medicines. If there’s
anything that would certainly remain for a lifetime, it’s me and my daily dose
of my pills otherwise I’d suffer more terribly.
Sounds exciting, right? It is. Dealing with this kind of illness
is no fun at all but it doesn’t lead you to a dead end. It still poses choices
on how you can live with it. There is no escaping. I’ve been mustering all
courage to manage and live normally. It’s a reality that crushes me every now
and then and could take me so conveniently to a land of depression if I don’t fight.
But letting it draw the boundaries in my life is a
non-existent possibility. I’d rather be happy and embrace the fact that there’s
little I can do believing that no matter how weak my strength is, it makes a
huge difference; it’s a dent that can turn my world upside down.
I am a runner. I used to be a competitive one. Weight matters.
That is not an exaggeration and I realized that more in my recent runs when I
felt like dragging several pieces of myself in every step until I cross the
finish line. It’s frustrating; it’s excruciating but I live, I push, I still
run because I’m grateful that I still live, I can still push and can still run.
What comforts me now is knowing that I do the best I can to
maximize those that are within my control. If I could confidently tell myself that
I maintained the discipline required to live a healthy lifestyle then that’s
enough. This condition also taught me to take a break from stressing too much
over diet and excessive work out. I realized that life is too short to spend on
counting calories and depriving myself of the food that I used to enjoy which
are not really unhealthy to begin with.
There are good days and there are bad. There are times when
I feel that my body’s responding to my activities and my hormones are stable. I
celebrate those moments and do everything to maintain whatever progress I
achieve. I mourn during bad days when I feel like all my efforts are going
nowhere. It’s a roller coaster ride that I choose to enjoy. It won’t defeat me! I am resolved!
So to everyone who's fighting their own battles- WE CAN DO IT! FIGHT!
