I miss my Tita run

"I wish you're still here. I'm sure you'd be proud of your running Reylynne."

I have been telling this to myself while trying to finish the 15K course of The Pink Run this morning. I could not help but cry as I recall those days with my Tita Edad who succumbed to breast cancer in 2005. I saw how she struggled to defeat cancer and stop it from continually making her suffer.

I’ve seen miseries in my life but my Tita’s fight against cancer was one of the most heartbreaking. I remember how I’d go out of her room so she wouldn’t see my crying. But in my private moments, I would wail and ask God for help. I could not bear the sight of one of the strongest, jolliest and hyper women I knew scream in pain and helplessness. I could not understand why one of the most generous, sweetest and selfless persons should go through that agony.

Tita Edad did not have a child of her own. All of us, her nieces and nephews, considered her our second mother since she devoted all her life taking care of us. Some of my cousins even call her Mama. Our childhood, mine especially would not be as happy if not for her.

Every summer, when I was in grade school and high school, my family would take a month-long vacation in Ilocos Norte where my Mama came from. We would stay in my Tita Edad’s house and my cousins would also sleep there so we could bond. Every morning, the smell of native brewed coffee, fried rice, pakbet or diningding or fried banana would wake us up. A long table would be set for all of us, not only for breakfast but also for lunch and dinner, and when it was time to eat, we would all go wild. It was like having a feast everyday and that’s because of my Tita Edad and Lola.

Tita loved all of us so dearly that she dedicated a wall in her house for our photos. We all had our solo shots there. It’s been a protocol in the family to always send her a duplicate copy of photos of any significant event in our lives. And if a new cousin were born, the wall would immediately be updated. When she died my cousins and I revisited that wall and mourned. We were all devastated. I was crushed.

Tita Edad taught me to harvest sweet potato from the soil and climb up a tree to get my favorite fruit while telling me that I had to work hard to get what I want. It was a lesson I carry until now. She also took me to the farm to harvest vegetables while talking to me about simple joys. She was the best. She was never tired. She was always on the go. She was the best!

When I learned that the Pink Run was for the fight against breast cancer, I told myself, I should definitely be there. If there’s any race I should not miss, I knew it was this one

While running, I was praying for all the women I know to be spared from breast cancer and for those who are in the midst of the battle to win.

There was a part in the course when I just marveled at the rays of the sun shining and imagined talking to my favorite Tita. I told her how much I miss and love her. Then tears started to fall. I was crying while running.

Since I feel I have not thanked her enough for adding joy and color into my life, I made the run an expression of my gratitude and love.

I even told myself that if God told me then that running would heal her, I'd gladly run non-stop.

This morning, I realized that until now, even after her death, she has never stopped inspiring me. If she’s here, I’m sure she’d be one of my avid fans, and my running photos and medals would be posted on her wall.

I miss you Tita Edad. I love you.