THE ADVOCATE IS RUNNING THROUGH PAIN

I prepared for The Bullrunner Dream Marathon for almost four months. It was four months of letting go of late night activities that I enjoy doing like watching DVDs or reading a good book so I could get enough sleep. I avoided sweets and junk food to remain healthy and strong. It was four months of embracing the highest form of discipline that even if there were times that I did not feel like running I forced myself so I could complete the required mileage. I also had to let go of oversleeping, lace up and run early so I could go to the office the earliest possible. And even if I did not like swimming a lot, I did it regularly for my cross training. Somehow, I can say that a big part of my world in those four months revolved around training for the marathon. My only prayer then was that nothing happens to my family and loved ones because I’d gladly miss the race if ever. Only that could stop me. Nothing else.

And what would I do if after that long training, someone stopped me at Km 41 when I already had a glance of the finish line telling me that I could no longer go on because the pair of socks I was wearing was uneven or my cap was not black?

I’d probably shout at the top of my lungs stunned of the absurdity and argue or cry like there’s no tomorrow because of being helpless.

Even if none of that happened during the marathon, I had the same sense of frustration when the Freedom of Information bill was not ratified by the House of Representatives last 4 June 2010 because of lack of quorum. Before going to Congress that day, I ran 10K in UP Diliman even if I was only planning to do a 7K in Amoranto track and field oval. I decided to go to UP because I needed more space to breathe and more distance to run my angsts off about the news I got the night before that the House leadership tried to stop Congressmen from attending the June 4 session so there’d be no quorum.

I was crying at many points in my run. I was wrestling against hopelessness and hanging on. I chose to surrender to God’s sovereignty. I believe He’s alive. The righteous God sees all these. I had to accept the fact, no matter how bitter, that there are things beyond our control and all I could do was give my best so that there would be no what ifs in the end.

I embraced the advocacy as my own and gave everything I could to help that’s why it meant a lot to me. It was more than just a job. It has become fundamental to who I am and something that I can do without.

The ratification of the House is one of the last steps in passing the Freedom of Info legislation that has been pushed by several groups, mine included, for the past 12 years. This is the closest that we got to having it passed. If Congress ratified the bill that they already approved in May 2008, it would have been submitted to the Office of the President for signing into law, the last step that would have put an end to the hideous struggle of the Filipinos against bureaucracy’s culture and practice of secrecy.

Although Art. III, Sec. 7 of the Philippine Constitution assures us of our right to information and documents on matters of public concern, the government still capitalized on their power and discretion to withhold most documents. The implication of this non- disclosure has resulted in major national controversies such as the ZTE-NBN deal, Fertilizer scam, among others. For others, it meant their and their family’s lives. Farmers, for instance, were kept in the dark about the status of cases involving the lands they till in relation to the Agrarian Reform program of the government. The importance of this bill cannot be underscored. It’s the best tool to promote transparency and the best weapon of the people for more appropriate participation.

But this power sharing through the enactment of the FOI bill is something that this government could not bear. They dread the day when their shenanigans will be revealed and suffer the consequences of all that they did in the dark. The conspiracy last June 4 appeared to be the culmination of their grand plan to block the passage of the FOI bill and the continuous curtailment of the people’s right to know.

June 4 was the make or break or day. I, together with my colleagues in the Right to Know. Right Now! campaign went to Batasan and sat at the gallery. I was tensed. I had the same exact feeling when I was about to do my first marathon. But I chose to hope. It had to be a deliberate effort to see beyond the circumstances that tell us there is none. We needed to convince ourselves that a miracle was possible; that Congress, no matter how low they got as we’ve seen it, could probably give in to the people’s clamor expressed through a series of mobilizations or could possibly have even a bit of conscience in their hearts or slightest sense of shame after being condemned by the media.

But we were wrong. They were in their usual wicked attitude. They staged a drama, a bad drama with the lousiest script ever written. Obviously, Congress through Cong. Romulado tried to make Nograles look innocent and supportive of the ratification after consistent public condemnation, media editorials from both local and abroad. Nograles, according to Romualdo begged him, on his knees to withdraw the opposition filed by Romualdo against the ratification. He was babbling with non-sense about the quorum when in fact they could ratify the bill even without the quorum as they did in the past. Worse, there should have been a quorum because some were present inside the plenary hall but were noted absent.

The 12 years of hard work, sleepless nights, restless days, sweat and tears, thoughts and reflections, dreams and aspirations were swept away by the simple banging of the gavel declaring a non- quorum in the house. That was it. Reality slapped me.

I went out of the session hall together with the other advocates, shocked and crying. I wailed like an infant because of so much pain.

Until now I’m at a loss for words to describe how devastating it was for me. I still groan. I’ve been in a state of depression for the past days. I tried to cope by running almost a half marathon last Sunday even if it was raining just to release my indignation, otherwise, it will consume me and lead me to either apathy or insanity.

The advocate is injured. It felt like the cramps at Km30 in the TBR Dream Marathon or my scolisis at Km 35 in the Condura Marathon or the acid reflux and knee injury during my recent Nature Valley run. But my record tells me I was able to finish those races despite the injuries. I should go on because running taught me that pain is part of the package, I just have to be wise and strong to overcome it because it’s not constant.

I’m running through pain now, trying to cope with grief over the kind of legislature and government that we have and with so much anger against those who continue to make a fool of the entire nation, greedy of power and money at the expense of other people’s lives and welfare. The fight continues. I will not dignify evil by any sense of hopelessness.

I just tell myself the course is longer than I thought and that sight of the finish line is just one of the major turns so I should not stop. Not now.

I realized I registered for an ultra marathon and not a just a 42K. I am so decided to finish it. There's no turning back. See you at the finish line!