SONA: A declining pace

When I got injured in the 2010 Milo Marathon, one of the things I asked myself was whether I ran too fast in the beginning of the race that I burned all my energy and had to drag myself to the finish line. It’s a common weakness among runners who get so excited at the sound of the gun start and would want to take advantage of the adrenalin rush. I have that tendency. And even if I’m already in the recovery stage, I could not help but recall that Milo moment while listening to the SONA. I think P.Noy did a good start by choosing to deliver his speech in Filipino and throwing shocking figures that have been kept in the dark. It was good that he finally opened up those books that have been sealed with greed for centuries. It was admirable how he effectively translated concepts of accountability into more tangible terms when he said that those money lost to corruption could have been used to build classrooms, roads, etc. That made me excited. I thought that if he improves or at least maintains that pace in a race, he’d probably have his PR (personal record) but he did not. He declined and he declined terribly.

I had a bad morning that day and the only thing that kept me going was the thought of the SONA. As an anti corruption advocate, I was looking forward to how he’d flesh out his rhetorics on fighting corruption and improving governance during the campaign. I had high expectations not only because he projected himself worthy of it but also because I believe that I deserve no less from any President especially from someone who campaigned on reform and change.

I waited for him to lay down practical ways, concrete steps, realistic mechanisms and sound policies to improve transparency and accountability but I heard very few of these from a President that bragged about his pledge to good governance.

I also hoped that he would reiterate his commitment to the passage of the Freedom of Information bill but silence was the only thing I heard.

Until now, I could not think of any innocent reason why he failed to mention it. In the aftermath of the June 4 tragedy when the 14^th Congress killed the FOI bill, he said in an interview that he’d prioritize its passage. So what happened?

My questions:

• If he was so committed to transparency and fighting corruption, then there should be no way he could overlook the passage of this bill as a necessary component of that.
• If he was able to mention other bills like the Witness Protection Program and the Whistleblower’s Act as important pieces of legislation in intensifying the fight against corruption, why not the FOI bill which by far has more direct impact on anti corruption?
• If he’s someone who keeps his word, as he projects himself to be, why did he not fulfill his commitment to the people in his June 4 or 5 interview?
• Did he completely disregard the appeal of more than 160 civil society organizations from the Right to Know. Right Now! network that sent him a letter, few days before the SONA, appealing for the inclusion of the passage of the bill in his priority agenda?
• What's the real deal, Sir?

There were other parts of the SONA that did not sit well with me like the proposed amendment of the Procurement Act and the public-private partnership as one of his major policies to raise funds. I was also hoping he’d say something about land reform, environment. But the biggest blow for me was the FOI bill. Not that this would totally block the bill but his mention would have put more weight on the necessity and urgency of passing it. That would have sent a clear and strong message to the legislature that it’s his priority and would have placed the bill first in the agenda of both houses.

When CSOs lost the battle in the 14^th Congress, everyone tried to comfort us by saying that the coming Congress will be a walk in the park considering the pronouncements of a President who has more integrity than the previous one but yesterday’s SONA painted a different picture. It led us to go back to the drawing board and prepare for an equally or even more challenging battle.

The first words that came out of my mouth after the last applause were, “why?! how?! and shoot!!!”

The SONA left me hanging, to say the least. I was beyond frustrated I did a 10K run after. But unlike the SONA, I increased pace slowly to avoid another injury.

Photo:http://wwnn.co.uk/pnoy-sona-2010-english-translation-of-pres-benigno-s-aquino-iiis-state-of-the-nation-address/2054/

The Flexitarian Runaholic's Pledge

Running is enough reason to wake me up very early in the morning, miss a good sleep, lace up and travel to as far as Bonifactio High Street from Quezon City to join races. But what motivates me more is the fact that by doing this, the thing that I truly enjoy, I also get the chance to extend help to the beneficiaries of these races. This is why I am so proud of my TBR Dream Marathon classmate and friend, Kassy (a.k.a.Flexitarian Runaholic) who thought of making her Standard Chartered Marathon- Singapore in December more significant by doing it for cause. It's admirable how she has taken the initiative to find a beneficiary and exert all efforts to make this happen. The least I can do is help her spread her call. Below is her invitation to all of us.

On 5 December 2010, I will be running a FULL MARATHON (42.2 km) in the Standard Chartered Marathon – Singapore in order to raise money for the Maple Tree Foundation. Although it will be a challenge for me to complete my first destination marathon race, I will be especially motivated by the excitement of knowing that it will benefit such a worthy cause.

I am asking friends and family to consider sponsoring me for this event. I have two ambitious goals – first to complete the marathon without sustaining any bodily harm and second to meet my personal goal of raising Php 10,000 – Php 100,000 for the Maple Tree Foundation (100%). I would greatly appreciate your kind consideration by making a donation towards this goal. All other form of donations (sponsorship) is, of course, well appreciated.

Being a runner, I wanted to take the opportunity to help my fellow citizen as this is one of my life goals- to help those who are in need. I believe in Maple Tree Foundation vision which is to help deprived and underserved mountain communities live healthy, productive, and peaceful lives with sustainable resource development programs that provide basic services, livelihood development, and education. For this, they need not to stay as less privilege citizen around Manila believing it will make their lives easier, well in fact, in their home town they can live comfortably and be educated.

You can make a difference . . . please join me in supporting a very important cause. Thank you for your support!

Sincerely,

Kassy

Note:

Please make all checks out to the Ma Katrina T Pajarillo and mail it to

Account# 3219 0081 89

Bank of the Philippines Island , Las Pinas branch

El Grande cor. Aguirre Ave., Ph. III BF Homes, Philippines, 1740

34th Milo National Marathon: Slow down, Reylynne

What went wrong? I kept asking myself this question for more than an hour when I was walking to the 34th National Milo Marathon finish line.

I heard a snap in my left hip between Km22 and 23 followed by an excruciating pain down to my left knee. In my previous posts I mentioned the same problem when I joined the Condura Marathon and the Nature Valley Run. I've made an illusion that it abandoned me already but it seems to enjoy being a consistent running buddy. I could hardly move my knee halfway to the finish but I still tried to run. I ignored it and kept running until it became unbearable at Km 32. I felt like it was breaking into pieces. An ambulance passed by and I thought of getting in it but my pride was saying I should finish no matter what and I did.

It was the first time that I cried because of throbbing pain in a race and I rarely cry because of physical pain. I have high tolerance for it so when I begin to cry that means it really is piercing. At that point, I needed nothing but a hug. I looked for anyone I know who was not running but did not find any so I just hugged myself J

I spent the entire walk trying to figure out what went wrong and reflecting on what happened.

1. Did I start out too fast?

No. Unlike in the TBR Dream Marathon, my start was easy. I stuck to my plan of maintaining a comfortable race pace. I promised myself I wouldn’t sprint and wouldn’t be intimidated by other runners going ahead of me. I ran with Kuya Lito Lopez, one of my TBR DM Kuyas from the start line until Km 15. It was an easy and comfortable run. When he decided to run faster to try to meet their qualifying time, I did not dare run his pace. It was all going well. When I reached Km22, it was 1:45. That was a PR for my 21K but I was still confident I wasn’t going off too fast because I did not feel any discomfort. I also did not do any extra push so I kept that pace until I heard that killer snap.

2. Did anything happen lately that worsened my scoliosis?

I could not think of any but maybe. I’ve been suffering from scoliosis since high school. My left leg is longer than the other so it takes the greater impact when I run. Being aware of this, I try as much as possible to be kinder to my left knee. I also tried to slow down on down hills to minimize the impact. I was so conscious about this while I was doing the race. So when we were going up and down on flyovers along Roxas Boulevard I’d slow down.

My week was stressful in terms of work and this was the only thing I could suspect to be causing the stress on my back but I had more stressful days before the TBR Dream Marathon and it did not weign on me at all. So this attribution might not be appropriate. I also continued swimming, which they say is good for scoliosis. But although nothing has worsened it, it also did not get any better.

3. Did I make any wrong step in the course?

Maybe. I think that at one point when I tried to avoid a motorcycle when we were about to enter Macapagal Bldv from Roxas Blvd, I made a slightly wrong step and felt something on my knees. But I really don’t think it was that bad and if it were the cause, I would have felt the effect immediately but I did not.

4. Did I not train enough?

I really don’t know but as far as the training program that Coach Jim gave us, I just trained well enough. I did my weekly runs and the required long runs at specific weeks before the race. I tried so hard to squeeze those in my schedule. I also maintained a healthy diet.

5. Did I overtrain?

I don’t think so. I behaved very well the past week that even if I wanted so much to run I did not. I had to tell myself it’s taper time and avoided places where I’d see runners so I wouldn’t be tempted to run. I also did not go beyond the required mileage, etc.

6. Was it because it was too close from my recent May marathon?

Maybe. Among all the reasons I could possibly consider, this I think makes the most sense. I overestimated myself. I thought that I could do a back–to-back marathon given my scoliosis. I thought that training well enough would do the trick but it obviously did not. Maybe for others this is not a big deal but for someone with special condition like me, this is not so.

Aside from analyzing the cause of the injury, I also spent time reflecting and praying. One word was recurring- humility.

They say that if you want to get to know yourself better, you should run a marathon. Yesterday’s race revealed a lot of things about who I am now. Sadly, they’re not delightful. I discovered that I am not only engrossed with running but in winning, worse, I’ve become more captivated by winning than running itself . While I believe that it’s good to be driven to win, I found out that I have crossed the border to insanity and arrogance. I wanted so much to reach my target and break my own record I did not leave any room for failure and possibilities beyond my control. It hurt me more than anything else. Arrogance consumed me and maybe the injury was God’s way of humbling me. It was his way of screaming to my ear to slow down and be kinder to my body.

To be honest, it was not just the pain on my knees that caused me suffering but my wounded ego. It was so hard for me to see myself walking towards the finish line. The thought of it was dreadful, being in it was for me humiliating. I was oozing with arrogance that even if my body was telling me to slow down, I still attempted to run. I refused to recognize the distinction between the pain that I could and should outrun and that one that I should entertain. I spent every ounce of will I had to ignore it but it was building up and persistent I couldn’t simply brush it aside.

I mentioned in my recent post that it’s a challenge for runners to be humble enough and accept that at some point we should stop to avoid a disaster. This was the challenge I came to face to face with yesterday. Walking is not a crime. Sometimes, it’s the wisest and noblest thing to do than to push it too hard.

I had to embrace the sad truth that I probably did all these too much, too soon; that I should have given more time for my next marathon after the TBR Dream Marathon. When I thought I was strong enough to run another full this soon with my scoliosis not getting any better, I was wrong. I should have listened to my body when it was telling me to reconsider Milo during my training.

There are things that mind cannot overcome and overrule. I should go back to the reason why I got into running and fell in love with it. It was how it contributed to my journey and struggle to becoming a better person each day. It’s so sad that I messed that up and became someone I hate now. I regret those times when I was so preoccupied with a PR I missed enjoying the run itself. I failed to see the fact that the glass is half full than empty; that I was able to cross the finish line yesterday before the cut off alive.

The worst thing was I almost did not notice my TBR classmates cheering me along the way and my whole family waiting at the finish line because I was so caught up with the sight of the finish banner. When they called and cheered me up, I gained an extra ordinary strength I tried to run strongly dedicated to them. They actually ran with me towards the finish and when we crossed it together, I felt so secured that even I failed and hated myself to the grave, I was assured of their love and support. I apologized for making them wait for so long since I told them I’d see them early. But they did not mind. My mom almost cried when she saw the pain on my face and could hardly walk. My daddy kept on asking if I really had to do it. My brother and his wife decided they will start running too. My nephew and niece, Vince and Shan embraced me and were giggling when they saw me. This to me was priceless. It was better than anything else in the world. It reminded me of what matters most in life, the things I truly value and who I really am.

Now I have set new targets – recover from injury, heal my soul and rediscover the reason for my passion for running and how it should affect who I am. There is ONLY one way to get there- SLOW DOWN.